Rolling the dice

As a preface I will admit that I enjoy gambling. On a daily basis I will weigh up the potential benefit against the likely loss, decide whether the loss is acceptable and then "roll the dice". I like that I'm brave enough to chance a loss for gain.


When I was a kid, I was an avid reader. The Ashton Scholastic book catalogue was associated with joy for me and mum always let me get a few of the books in it. I was part of advanced reading groups in school and I had to do the reading associated with a Law degree.

It was the law degree that killed reading for me. I was studying a double degree in Business and Law, meaning five subjects a semester for five years. This meant that I would often be set in excess of 500 pages of reading per week. That volume alongside training roughly 20 hours per week for triathlon and trying to be a remotely social 20 year old was too much. By the end of it, I was over reading.

I didn't give it up completely. I am still addicted to trawling the internet for some new information on anything I'm interested in and I think I'm also addicted to reading the news online.

But then came along a little magic...Game of Thrones. When I finished season one, I was so hooked and so desperate to find out what happened that I found that it was a series of books and bought the second one. A month later, the third. A fortnight later, the fourth and so on it has gone. In the two years since, I've smashed through books at an abnormal rate for how busy my life is (all apart from The Silmarillion, but if you've read that, you'll know why it took me three months).

"There was Eru, the One, who in Arda is called Iluvatar; and he made first the Ainur, the Holy Ones, that were the offspring of his thought, and they were with him before aught else was made. And he spoke to them, propounding to them themes of music; and they sang before him, and he was glad. But for a long while they sang only each alone, or but few together, while the rest harkened; for each comprehended only that part of the mind of Iluvatar from which he came, and in understanding of their brethren they grew but slowly. Yet eve as they listened they came deeper to understanding, and increased in unison and harmony." Opening paragraph of The Silmarillion

I have stolen some books from my parents' place. One on sports psychology that gets you to do an activity where you imagine yourself in ten years time and even have a conversation with this version of you.

I got stuck.

I can't get past the next five months. I know what the three different outcomes will be for the following year, but as to which will happen I truly don't know. This is a complete gamble on my life and its future, to the point that I can't even begin to imagine where I might be in ten years. I can tell you where my friends and family will be in ten years, but not myself.

I'm not sure if it's scary or exciting or both. At least I know it's important and it means...well, my life.